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Submitted on
January 12, 2012
File Size
4.8 KB
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5,332 (2 today)
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275

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Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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One day England was doing magic when he turned himself into a sexy green dinosaur. France thought this was so awesome that he raped England and England ripped his throat out. Prussia and Spain were cross with England and cut his little T-Rex arms off, then America decided to be the hero and threw his secret McDonald's bomb at all three of them, turning them all into sexy female hamburgers.

But then Russia stole the hamburgers and raped them so America went over to his place and after making out in a long and graphic description they started hitting each other with Linkin Park CDs. While they were busy, China babbled sagely oriental nonsense, aru, and turned the hamburgers back into nations, but Spain turned out to be having Russia's baby, which was actually France reincarnated as a rabbit called Kevin.

France puked a rainbow which turned Italy into a zombie because the author didn't like Italy and so a rainbow zombie plague spread all over the planet, while Russia and America were still making out graphically and hitting each other with Linkin Park CDs. Germany was so sad and he realised he'd done so much wrong so he made out graphically with Prussia and vowed to do nothing but pet little kittens and be zookeeper for ever more.

Meanwhile, the other nations had to cope with the rainbow zombie plague. Austria, Egypt, Australia, Cuba, Turkey and Bulgaria all got infected for the same reason as Italy and Belgium, Canada, Seychelles, Liechtenstein, Ukraine and the Baltics died gorily because they were wet and boring.

Then Norway tried to reverse England's spell so that none of it had ever happened but actually made things worse because instead he turned himself into a tomato and Romano ate him. Denmark and Iceland were understandably cross with Romano, so they put him in a maid costume and made him sweep the floor with a cabbage leaf.

None of this was stopping the rainbow zombie plague, so to do something about it Japan raped Sealand and France. For some reason this made Finland snap completely and he went out and killed Sweden with an old bra. England realised the situation was getting drastic so he managed to kill Finland with his cooking, but the zombies were for some reason really attracted to the food and England would have been doomed if Poland and Netherlands hadn't come along in nothing but tight-fitting leather trousers with chainsaws and killed some of the zombies. Then they all escaped and Hungary ate a rock while she and Poland did dirty dancing to an obscure Gothic band that no one else had ever heard of and eventually made out graphically behind a lamp post.

Meanwhile, because you have to have OCs to make true crack, Ireland, North Korea and Antartica Raven Eclipse Sonata Rainbow sat drinking milkshakes in a café and all vowed never again to play football with penguins. Elsewhere, Russia and America were still making out graphically and hitting each other with Linkin Park CDs.

Meanwhile, South Korea had a karaoke party but unfortunately it was invaded by the rainbow zombies and Hong Kong, and Vietnam were gorily killed by zombie-Kumajiro (gotta love zombie-Kumajiro), but the others escaped and Taiwand and Thailand ate tulips under a sausage while Japan and South Korea made out graphically in a gazebo.

After that Greece fell asleep on a bowl of cornflakes, Romania massacred some geese and Switzerland was killed when he stubbed his toe on a bar of soap, which was really tragic. Meanwhile, it turned out that Germany was actually Hanatamago's brother's long-lost aunt. While this was going on, Belarus and Sealand fell in love and had a baby hedgehog.

With the zombies advancing on their secret base that everyone knew about, all the remaining nations decided that they needed to take drastic measures so they all glooped into a huge sparkly ping-pong ball and sent out a rainbow awesome drastic emergency nation SOS, which could possibly have ripped the universe apart and destroyed reality, Flying Mint Bunny and the entire chain of McDonald's, but luckily (unluckily probably when it came to McDonald's) it didn't.

Unfortunately, though, it fatally injured the nations and they lay in the ruins of the New York subway, taking far too long to die dramatically. What it did do was alert America and Russia, who came out in their true forms – THE TWIN PINK FLUFFY FANGED HAMSTERS, GUARDIANS OF THE EARTH!!!

In a trice, they'd used their amazing radioactive pizza rays to obliterate the zombies completely. England's spell got reversed, the world's Mickey Mouse statues all fell over, and the nations all came back to life! The world was back to normal, and fortunately no one remembered this grotesque, cracky adventure.
EDIT: Lordy, guys! This is the most popular thing my gallery and it hardly took me any effort at all! How did I manage that? XD
(You've read this kind of thing before, I know. I'm not cross or anything, just glad you're enjoying it :) Do feel free to take a look at my other stuff, but it's not an order ;))

OMG mi ferts fanfik! im, sooooooooo prowd!

Moar Hetalia and some LOLness. Wrote this after reading too much crack (read with a 'p' sound at the end) one night. OMG, stop the crack, guys, really.

Well, this has to be the ultimate APH fanfic (of the crack kind). It's got everything: overdramatic character death, gore, zombies, tomatoes, a threat to the planet, making out graphically, crach pairings, mpreg (I HATE MPREG!... sorry. I r biology nerd...rant over...), reincarnation, rainbows, scary revelations, maid costumes, leather trousers, and cornflakes.

Yup, you HAVE to have cornflakes. sry, u just hav 2. I luv dem mi favrit paring iz Russia X cornflakes.

So...yeah haven't submitted yet this year, so have this madness. I hope it is actually funny.

*If you are insulted by this, I didn't mean it*
*If it reminds you of your fanfic, I seriously recommend you do some revising...*

Gotta love rainbow zombie kumajiro.

If you fave, a comment would be appreciated.
Add a Comment:
 
:icongemany113:
Gemany113 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2014  New member Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
watI'm This Unexcited 
Reply
:iconmacythekitty:
Macythekitty Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2014  Student Filmographer
I'm so confused,but great job! Made me laugh!
Reply
:iconlevian-53vodkaaa:
Levian-53VODKAAA Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2014  Student General Artist
Hetalia on crack is the best kind of Hetalia.
Reply
:iconprussiaisawesomeman:
PrussiaIsAwesomeMan Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014  Student General Artist
OH MY GOD. THIS IS THE BEST FAN-FIC I HAVE //EVER// READ.
Reply
:iconbossypuppy14:
bossypuppy14 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014  Student Artist
KKTGLKJETIJG4IJYUORGUREIFGGI7TT77T7TT
Reply
:iconchibi-germany7:
chibi-germany7 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wut? O.o
Reply
:iconfuzzygirl49:
FuzzyGirl49 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
JUKMBHILMJKLMNJK,NHILNIOKBGUKBTESHVJNKMMLUHEMKMKHR
*Barfs up rainbows* 
LLJBSJOUVSRFNMLOUNFREASCXRYBBMRUKM MOREDCDTHKNBVCSRYJM
Reply
:iconzarkuyonori:
ZarkuYonori Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Student Digital Artist
I'm dying to death over here!!! XD
Reply
:iconemo9otaku:
emo9otaku Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014   General Artist
omg i love linkin park!!!
Reply
:icontrystaa:
trystaa Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have actually never read a crack, and I didn't read the description before, so the whole time I'm like
wtf
oh my Doitsu 
this is so weird,
but beautiful with its randomness at the same time
Reply
:iconreikothejackal:
ReikoTheJackal Featured By Owner May 22, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
LOL BEST HETALIA CRACK EVA
Reply
:iconkittyfrostwithzio:
Kittyfrostwithzio Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014
What did I just read......LOVED IT!!!
Reply
:iconcakebashinginc:
CakeBashingINC Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
what the actual fuck
Reply
:iconmariekale587:
mariekale587 Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014
that.....was..............the.....most..........random......thing..................................I LOVE IT
Reply
:iconash-the-enigma:
Ash-the-enigma Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Still a better story than twilight... (God that line is so overused) I don't like Italy either
Reply
:iconloonyowl:
loonyowl Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I actually liked Italy back when I was a fan of this kind of stuff, but half the fanfic writers apparently didn't, and I was trying to make the opinions all very generic. 
Also, SERIOUSLY CANNOT OVERUSE THAT PHRASE. Because I hate Twilight (and I pretty much hate Hetalia nowadays) and I SAY SO.
Reply
:iconash-the-enigma:
Ash-the-enigma Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Okieee :3 I only hate him because most fanfics he's in he's usually too  OOC...
Reply
:iconloonyowl:
loonyowl Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You can say that again :nod:
Reply
:iconash-the-enigma:
Ash-the-enigma Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, plus all the OOCness is directed only towards the reader or OC
Reply
:iconfallen-angel-101:
Fallen-Angel-101 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014
I- what is my life...... I dont even.... -sigh- what is wrong with me...
Reply
:iconpinklemonade55:
pinklemonade55 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014
England (Wonders) [V5] Austria (Talking) [V2] Germany (Not Impressed) [V4] ITALIAAA. APH: Onion France Japan Chibi (Talking) [V5] England (Mad) [V5] France (Shy) [V5]  
Reply
:iconpicklequeenofninjas:
PickleQueenOfNinjas Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014
This is probably the most random story I've ever read, O_0
Reply
:icontlbawesome:
tlbawesome Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
No no no screw you CANADA FUCING RULES HE IS AWESOME YOU NO DO DIS. Bit other than that fucing hilarious
Reply
:iconzinka17:
Zinka17 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Lol This was hilarious. :XD:
Reply
:iconkisamisa16:
kisamisa16 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Lol Switzerland you stubbed or toe on a bar of soap! XD ! HA!LOSER!!! :)
Reply
:iconthehetaliankazeko:
TheHetalianKazeko Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
...
.....
........
............
.................
.......................
.............................
:iconenglanddumbstruckplz:
Reply
:iconabbstarr:
Abbstarr Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
Fuckyeah!
Reply
:iconmilliethekitty27:
MillietheKitty27 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2013
WHAT DID I JUST READ? Oh dear lord, LOL! I don't think I was expecting half of that to happen... That's right North Korea, you can solve all your problems by never playing football with penguins again. Yes, Germany, petting kittens and becoming a zookeeper totally solves everything. My day is fabulous now.
Reply
:icontdyf6txn456:
tdyf6txN456 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013
I can't even begin to comprehend the crackyness that this story contains....
Reply
:iconrumpkin90:
Rumpkin90 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013
WHAT...
Reply
:iconkitty-grin:
Kitty-Grin Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
what the?!...
Reply
:iconslugponez:
SlugPonez Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2013
better than most hetalia fanfics...
Reply
:icons-p-a-r-k-l-e-e:
S-p-a-r-k-l-e-e Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is my favorite story
THE TWIN PINK FLUFFY FANGED HAMSTERS, GUARDIANS OF THE EARTH!!!
Please
Please make some form of story out of this
PLEASE
SOMEHOW
I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT :iconjustdoitplz:
Reply
:iconaberter:
aberter Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this is hilarious
Reply
:iconmoxiefoxy:
moxiefoxy Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Student General Artist
XD LOOOOOOL
Reply
:iconvelvetblaid:
velvetblaid Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I laugh so hard while reading this XD 
I really am can't believe it's posible to kill someone with an old bra :D Yes Japan, raping France and Sealand will solve the problem with rainbow zombies. 
:rofl 
Reply
:iconakatsukiyaoilover69:
AkatsukiYaoiLover69 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013
"so to do something about it Japan raped Sealand and France." How come I find it interesting that Japan raped France and not the other way around... XD i kinda wanna see a fanfic about that 
Reply
:iconqueenmimi011:
QueenMimi011 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
So after Spain was turned back into a human, he was pregnant with France's reincarnation. And the reincarnation of France, a bunny named Kevin, started the rainbow zombie virus thing? So Spain's weird bunny son is France. And France started a world wide disease. Wasn't he already doing that with STDs? XD
Reply
:iconskye-42:
Skye-42 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Student General Artist
This hurt my eyes to read.... (At least it had proper grammar.)
Reply
:iconloonyowl:
loonyowl Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Uh-huh. I might have wanted to write a cracky fanfic parody, but I'm still a GRAMMAR CRUSADER!!! ;)
Reply
:iconskye-42:
Skye-42 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Student General Artist
THEN YOU WIN! :iconfreeinternetplz:
Reply
:iconloonyowl:
loonyowl Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:w00t:
Reply
:iconqueenmimi011:
QueenMimi011 Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Soooo, you find green dinosaurs sexy, hm?
Reply
:iconxxspotted-songxx:
xXSpotted-SongXx Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Ummmmmm this is even weirder then the Nordics thing XDXDXDXD
Reply
:iconaskdaddyslittleangel:
AskDaddysLittleAngel Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Advddyhhoxxhghdbjkvcc
ALL THE FEELS
*starts puking rainbows then faints*

I CAN SEE THE LIGHT!!

......

IT BURNNNNS!!!!
Reply
:iconloonyowl:
loonyowl Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
XD Glad you ejoyed.
Reply
:iconmsartistjean:
MSArtistJean Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2013
crack pairing: Russia x Mrs. Sunflower (Conker's Bad Fur Day)
Reply
:iconassasin770:
Assasin770 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
:O sexy female hamburgers????
Reply
:iconkansasgirl:
kansasgirl Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Oh my god I am cracking up so much right now!
Reply
:icon2pfemitaly:
2pfemitaly Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
them GEESE man, them fahking GEESE. XD go to my da if you wanna know what im talking about~
Reply
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